We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
BRING THE BAGELS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
