Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
