I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
