I'm passing your future prison.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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