Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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