i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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