3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
