Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
