I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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