....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
