In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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