You just made me feel so damn special
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
