I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
