Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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