speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
