i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
