Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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