you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
