Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can text with my tongue
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
