You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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