A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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