I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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