You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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