dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
