how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize