she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
