i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
