So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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