i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
