I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
