a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
