Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
