Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
