I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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