I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
