i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
