Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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