I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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