im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
