i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
