Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
