What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
