It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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