I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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