She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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