I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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