How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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