I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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