Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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