what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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