I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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