So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
