when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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