So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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