I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
