Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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