I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
