just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize