you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
