Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Even my vagina gasped.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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