You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
