I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
