saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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