Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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