seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
