Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
