perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
