i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
