He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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