Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
