so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
