I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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