The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize