The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
