wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
