Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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