I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
