the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
