ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
