she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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